I’m sitting on at a suburban Calgary patio bar, sipping a happy-hour blueberry beer and trying to convince myself to write about this summer. There is so much stuck inside me that I need to process, and writing is the thing to do (yes, I know), but this summer has been so momentous that it’s an intimidating task. I don’t know how I could ever do it justice. Also, almost every single experience was challenging in different ways, and invloved so many people, and I want to honour those people and their privacy. Is it appropriate to blog about a teaching experience? Is it appropriate to blog about Burning Man? Is it appropriate to blog about PhD qualitative research focusing on human beings?
At the beginning of the summer I joked with my friends that after this summer I’d be a new woman, and, to my legitimate suprise, I think I am. I’m also burnt out and in desperate need of stability.
Living a semi-nomadic lifestyle for 2 years is quite exhausting. My teenage self would be proud of me. Living out of my car, bouncing between Squamish and Saskatoon - sharing my time between friends and family. Squamish made me realize how important friends and community are, and Saskatoon made me realize how important family is. I learned that I do not want to live in a big city, and that I want to be close to the people that I love, and that I absolutely hate working in a shared office space as I had done in Vancouver for proceeding two years before the pandemic began. I’m beginning to expect that I might have ADHD, a diagnosis a therapist once urged me to look into, which I refused because the pile of paperwork was too daunting for my 20-year-old undergraduate self. My life over the last two years was built around big research and outdoor adventures, long visits with family, friends, and my boyfriend, and long periods of study. Although it has been an amazing few years despite the pandemic, all of the back-and-forth has me feeling really worn down. I need a home to anchor me.
This summer’s intense schedule started May 17th, and was as follows:
May 17th -June 1st - Teach an MSC Exploration Geology field technqiues in Norway. Honestly it was like Lord of the Flies. So dramatic at times. Banana peels. Camo. Norway is absolutely gorgeous.
June 1st - June 12th IRELAND! Travel to Ireland for my boyfriend’s grandma’s 92nd birthday, and meet his entire extended family. Joy learning Briain’s history. Stress logistically. Stress balancing. Over- extended.
June 12th- June 16th - CALGARY - drop in Calgary for Ulanna’s wedding <3 Visit Christina and Ulanna! <3 <3. Joy attending one of my close friend’s weddings. Joy introducing Brian to my friends.
June 16th - June 20th - SASKATCHEWAN - Visit family and prepare for fieldwork in Yukon and Ghana. Family frustrated because I have so much prep that I can’t hang out as much as expected. Feeling overwhelmed. Visas. Camping Gear.
June 20th- July 6th YUKON - drive from Raymore, SK to Dawson City, YK solo. Fieldwork for 2 weeks. Drive back to Calgary, AB through Jasper National Park solo.
July 6th- July 13th - Jasper/Banff - My Brian! In awe of Jasper. Annoyed at ovrecrowded Banff. 1st breakdown of the summer (lol)! Can’t stop crying when we can’t find a campsite. Huge baby moment.
July 13th- July 21st- CALGARY - Hang out with my boyfriend for a week, and make up for all the last time. Go to the Stampede for the first time! Do I want a cowboy hat?
July 21st- July 23rd - REGINA - Saying goodbye to my grandfather. I don’t even know what to say about this at the moment. Much processing needed.
July23rd - July 26th- LONDON - Layover in London. Commonwealth Scholarship Party. Everybody shocked that wealthy country also recieve scholarships. Feeling tired of justifying myself. Putting faces to emails. Gratefulness. Empathy.
July 26th - August 27th - GHANA - Fieldwork. Hard, but very good. Extreme culture shock meets extreme kindness. Second breaktdown of the summer. Huge ups, huge downs. I hope I can go back.
August 27th- September 5th - BURNING MAN - The universe was like - Oh, you want more logistical challenges? Say no more! My cup runneth over - epitome of human creativity - Humanity simultaneously reinforced and restored. Brian the stylist. Hotdog costumes.
September 5th - September 11th - OREGAN, IDAHO, BC - roadtrip back with extended stay in Fernie <3 - Brian family times - Friend times in Fernie <3 - Overcoming illness. Wedding bliss. Ammonite hike from hell.
September 11th - September 15th - CALGARY - recover and unpack in Calgary - everyone sick (not COVID)- crowded house. Suberbs. Icecream. Brian <3
September 15th - September 19 - SASKATCHEWAN - Visit family and organize stuff.
September 19- September 21s - TRANSIT to UK - Calgary overnight for one last Brian cuddle <3, then finally in the UK
Honestly, it was exhausting just writing that out. Maybe now I can think of all of the pieces and sort it all out. Why sort it out publically, you say? I’m not sure, but somehow it helps. Something about sharing the load, and authenticity, and the hope that it might someone else in shared experience. I have a lot of writing in front of me.